After 47 years of marriage, I left my wife because I no longer loved her. I had convinced myself that every man needs passion, but my mistress wanted more, and I no longer knew what I wanted…
I was twenty years old when I took Helen away.
She was seventeen, already expecting our first child, but nothing stopped us from saying « I do. » We loved each other so much from the moment we met that this love is enough for a lifetime.
At that moment, I had trouble removing my hands from them.
Helena had long brown hair, a slender figure, and a smile that made you forget all the other women present. I have always thought of them sincerely, and I always will.
Over twenty-three years, Helena gave birth to fourteen children.
Our house was always overcrowded and noisy. There was always someone crying, someone hungry, and someone who constantly needed their mother. Helena cooks, cleans, does the laundry, stays up at night with the sick children, and yet, every morning, she finds the strength to start all over again.
I worked and earned money, so I convinced myself that postponing my duty was justified.
However, my work ended as soon as I crossed the threshold of the house.
Helen’s work never stops.
Kai jai sukako šešešešešimt penkeri, jos tūlūs buvo utēli pasikeitēs.
Abdomen buvo soft is marked keturiolikos nėštumų. The skin on her hands was loose, her hair was lightening, and she hadn’t worn makeup for years.
I started looking at other women my age.
Some of their form-fitting dresses still smell of perfume. Their hair is well-groomed, their nails impeccable, and their appearance reflects the era when they were still desirable.
Then I looked at Hélène and I felt nothing.
Sometimes, when I imagined touching her, I felt something worse than indifference.
I felt disgust.
Why, at the age of eight, was I able to suppress my passions?
With keturidešimšit septyneri santuokos metai geštetė, when nebeturiu teisės venoti moters, kuri mane Ōžanitų?
I must sleep next to Helenos for the rest of my life, while my body still wakes up.
I kept asking myself these questions.
However, I never wondered what thirteen pregnancies had done to my body.
I never understood why she spent her entire youth raising our children, but I still found time to take care of myself.
I simply thought that when Helena ceased to be a woman, she became a mother, a grandmother, and a husband who cooked dinner for me.
Then I met Valeria.
I drank pentikesdeishim šešeri ir ji completely neprimine Helenos.
Valery wore elegant dresses, used expensive perfumes, and even put on lipstick to go grocery shopping. When I spoke, she looked me straight in the eyes, and when I smiled, I felt a warmth I hadn’t felt in years.
When she touched my hand for the first time, I felt reborn.
Helena was already lying in her bed, wearing an old cotton nightgown with a number written in front of the lamps.
I decided to touch it.
Perhaps the passion was still there, but I simply stopped trying.
When I placed my hand on her body, she looked at me with surprise and disappointment. It had been so long since I had contacted her, back when she seemed almost enthusiastic.
However, when my hand slides over her soft belly, I feel the softness of her skin beneath the fabric.
Anxiety disappears instantly.
I withdrew my hand.
Helenos’s expression changed.
« What happened? » she asked.
– Nothing. I’m tired.
He remained silent for a few minutes, then murmured:
– I’m sorry.
She apologized when that body, which had given me fourteen children, ceased to excite me.
Oh, I allowed her to meet when the problem existed.
I saw Valerija again last week.
Ji said that when I find someone younger, I’ll be disappointed. According to them, a man like me shouldn’t spend the last years of his life feeling unwanted.
That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.
Our first nights were neither sweet nor skillful. There was a hunger that I had carried within me for many years.
I felt desired.
I felt powerful.
I felt alive.
When I got home, Helena had left my dinner on the stove and had put some medicine next to the glass of water.
For several minutes, I had the sensation of being dry.
Valerija then sent a message while she could still smell his perfume on her nose.
The defect has disappeared.
One night turns into many others.
Valery’s passion is as strong as mine. She wore clothes I loved, she tried to make me wear them before I could even touch them, and I make her wear them constantly while Helena lets herself grow old.
I agreed with everything.
However, Valeria did not want to keep the secret forever.
She started asking me when I would become a woman.
I was so surprised at first.
Sakiau jai, as su Helena, we have keturideścim septynerius Bendro živono metus, keturiolika čenų, anūkų, namą ir Whole život, which cannot be simply erased.
Valerijo’s facial expression changed.
— Vadinasi, I’m good enough for your bed, — she said, — but not for your life?
I told her to be patient.
The truth is, I never intended to stay in Helenos.
I desired Valerijo’s body, the passionate attention she lavished on me, but I also wanted to go home, to be with the woman who cooks for me, who remembers my visits to the doctor and who has been taking care of me for almost half a century.
I wanted the two women to flatter me with the aspects of myself that I myself had decided to reveal to them.
Valeria disagreed.
Ji buvo mane iśimylėjusi or at least already iśimylėjusi the future, which I let her imagine. She began to hate Helenos, although she was unaware of his existence.
Valerija thought that when she learned the news of the trial, Helena would be too depressed if she stayed.
One day, kai lankiau vienų iš nųsų sūnų, Valerija went straight to my house.
Helena opened the door.
Valeria stood there, wearing the red dress that I had once told her was my favorite.
Then she smiled and said:
– My name is Valeria. I’m asleep, your husband is mine, when the time has come for you to understand that he doesn’t listen to you.
PART TWO
Helen did not cry.
That was the first thing Valeria didn’t encounter.
She came to our house imagining tears, screams, and humiliation. She believed it when Helena finally understood that another woman could give me what she couldn’t.
However, my wife left the country discreetly.
— Come on, — she said.
Valeria followed her into the kitchen, still wearing the red dress I loved so much. She sat down at the same table where Helena had served me breakfast for almost half a century.
Then she started telling everything.
She told me about the restaurant where we met, the nights we spent together, what I had said about Helenos’s body. She repeated every cruel word I had used to justify my betrayal.
« He says that when he sees you, he feels nothing, » said Valeria. « He says it’s because you stopped taking care of yourself years ago. »
Valeria leaned closer.
Roberta loves me. He thinks that’s why the children are at home.
There was another lie I let him believe.
When I got home that evening, Valerijo’s car was still parked outside.
I went into the kitchen and it’s dry.
Helena was sitting opposite her.
Not a single woman seemed surprised to see me.
— What are you doing here? — I asked, seeking an explanation.
Valery smiled as if she had already won.
I’ve told you everything. Now you no longer need our skin.
I looked at Helen, and her tears became mingled with accusations.
However, she did ask a question.
– Is that true?
I could deny everything.
I could apologize.
But Valery stood there, beautiful, self-assured, ready to choose me. Akimirka even felt relief.
— Yes, — I said. — That’s right.
Helena nodded slowly.
Then, when I asked the question, I really confessed to Valeria that I was disgusted to touch her.
I didn’t say anything.
My silence spoke for me.
Helena looked at her hands. Fourteen babies had been bathed in those hands, they had wrapped thousands of pies, they had cared for me during my illness, and at every funeral we had attended, they had held my hand.
« I gave you my whole life, » she said.
I felt cornered, so I became violent.
– Ką tu nori, kadn paskakyčiau? I’m still a man, Helena. I have everything I need. Why should I spend the rest of my life without passion simply because you haven’t taken care of yourself since when?
Valeria looked at me with satisfaction.
Helena looked at her.
– Did you meet when he loved you?
— Yes, — replied Valery without hesitation.
Helena smiled wearily.
– Then take it.
Valeriy’s face lit up.
Mine is not.
While I slaptù naktù su Valerija, o neujo gyovno su ja.
I dreamed of waking up next to Helenos, of having breakfast prepared by her, of knowing that someone remembered every detail of my life. I longed for Valery’s passions, Helenos’s unwavering loyalty.
« You’re dramatizing, » I said. « Don’t throw away years of your life because of one mistake. »
« Do you agree with these errors? » asked Helen. « How many nights were there? »
I couldn’t answer.
She defends herself, climbs up and retrieves her suitcase.
He was mine.
While Valeria was talking, Helena was folding my clothes.
« You wanted to feel like a man again, » she said. « Now you can live with the people who served you. »
I watched Valérie.
For the first time, I lost confidence in myself.
You should have won the competition.
However, he did not meet the moment when he should have assumed responsibility for the price.
However, I went out that evening.
At first, I felt free.
Valeria burns incense every time. Ji wanted to go to the city, but he was shocked to find out how expensive travel is. Our life was full of excitement, which, as I said, is what I needed.
But passion doesn’t cook breakfast.
She forgot my medication and didn’t sit next to me when my knees hurt.
Ji couldn’t change the septynerių setu pasitikejijomi.
After six months, Valerija started asking me why I was constantly tired. She complained when I talked too much about Helen and acted like an old man.
The same woman who had made me feel young ended up looking at me with disgust.
One morning, she told me to leave.
« You asked me for passion, » she said. « I didn’t have the chance to be your maid. »
I went back to Helen’s with the same suitcase she had given me.
She opened the door, but didn’t invite me in.
I told you so when Valeria used me.
Helena almost laughed.
– No, Roberta. You took advantage of both of us. Valeria, for her part, remains adamant.
Maldavau jos sikreti nų tīvams is the common life that we have created.
She looked at me for a long time.
« Our children visit me every week, » she said. « It’s quiet at home, but for the first time in seventeen years, I woke up this morning without thinking about what you’ll need today. »
Then she closed the door.
For many years, I thought Helena should be grateful for having preserved her body despite her age.
I finally understood that I was a burden she had always carried.
I wanted a beautiful woman to make me feel alive.
Instead, I lost the only woman who loved every version of my life.
O žiauriusia tai, when Helena never feels uncomfortable.
I became too selfish after my death.